This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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