Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
