Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
