I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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