feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
