Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
