There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
