Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
