Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
