He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Who died my cat blue again?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
