I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
