why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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