sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
