Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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