New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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