I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
