pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
