dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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