i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
