I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
