My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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