Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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