I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
