You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
