bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
