Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
