Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
