Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
