I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
