12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
