Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
