$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize