dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
