I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
