Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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