The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
