I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
