i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
