i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
