he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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