I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
