I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
