Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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