Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
