Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
