Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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