You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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