You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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