Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
