Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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