trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
