would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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