then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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