weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
