Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
