I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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