If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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