i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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