billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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