Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she peed on how many people?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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