Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
