Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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