Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i love accidental penises.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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