Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm gonna have a badass scar
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
