some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
