His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
