Define "chronic" masturbator.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
