I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
