On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
