he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize